Dreams
by Pearla
Summary: He lingers in the hazy borders of her mind, but the elder brother remembers. Chapters 1,2,3,5,6, and 10 edited!
1. One

**Dreams**

_**All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams  
-Elias Canetti**_

Her heart fell, not very far, but it felt as if it had struck the floor and cracked. Yet it made no sound.

Maybe it wasn't anything; after all she could pretend not to notice. She _hated_ him, didn't she?

His golden eyes seemed to glow hauntingly, and the spark at the sight of her! Those orbs were beautiful and they suggested nights of ecstasy beyond imagination.

No it was nothing, this being that haunted her dreams, did not exist. How could these dreams fill her with such succor and in the next moment anger that she could barely keep held back?

All this lovely creature had to do was hold out his dangerous clawed hand and the anger she felt before fell like rain as she ran to him.

It was always this way, nights of passion filled dreams only awakening to the real world and the monotony of days, surrounded by beauty.

She no longer saw the beauty of it, it was nothing to her. Lush green grass, succulent forest, flowers brimming with nectar. All of it. _Nothing!_

Fragmented voices of the villagers asking her this, saying that.

_"Ah, I'm so glad! Thank you Kagome-sama."_

_"What of this wound?"_

_"We've no idea what to do with him! Please. Can you help?"_

The days rarely punctuated by a demon trying to get the shikon no tama. To her the sun in the sky was no longer her source of life.

_For it was the darkness in which he existed._

She had stayed in the feudal era because she was now the only one who could protect the village from demons.

But...

So many of her memories were missing she knew that there had been a young man Inuyasha; knew he had had power...

Though what of him?

What had happened?


	2. Two

**Dreams**

_**Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.  
-Christina Georgina Rossetti**_

They would all look at her so strangely. It was almost like pity.

_Why? What had happened?_

Kagome sat upon a large rock, gathering herbs and trying to recall her dreams. She was fumbling deep inside her memories.

Again and again she tried to remember this demon. Inuyasha.

Nothing...

She saw Kikyou betraying Naraku–then both dying. Naraku becoming a statue like Midoriko, never to revive. The flood of light as the remainder of Kikyou's soul joined her. The feeling of being complete.

Kagura and Kanna, dead.

As blinding and sweet as her soul becoming whole again. Kagome remembered a voice darkened by sorrow, tears strained in this being's throat, begging to be released. This as Kikyou was dying. Kagome's eyes were fixed on the "original" of herself.

The priestess's breathing was rough, "Inuyasha...we should have never met again by chance..."

Her eyes were glazing over, it was then you could see all of Kikyou's heartbreaking experiences. They showed on her face, contorted with anguish and pain.

She smiled at him through the tears running down her face. One arm cradled her bloody shoulder, she reached up with her hand. Kikyou touched his face...and the image dissolved.

Kagome couldn't see anymore but she could someone speak to the now dead Kikyou.

"I won't thank you. It was your choice, Kikyou. Sayonara."

That was it! That voice, that sad voice belonged to Inuyasha!

What had happened to him? She couldn't remember what he even looked like. It had not been long ago.

Deliberately, slowly Kagome opened her eyes, all the while the tears streamed down her face and fell onto her hands. It was like her soul had been taken again, she felt so empty. He had meant _something_ to her! But what? What had he been to her? It looked as if he had loved Kikyou but it didn't seem right.

She bowed her head and her arms sank to the ground with the rest of her frail form. Sobs took over, words were not enough.


	3. Three

**Dreams**

_Youkai_

_**In solitude, where we are least alone  
-Lord Byron**_

Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, Kirara and Shippo had all gone to the village of the demon slayers. People had said that bandits had taken control of it.

Kagome laughed sadly, "What power had been stopping them for so long, now that there were not demon slayers?

She began walking back from gathering herbs, her heart heavy with failure. She began humming and then the humming became a song, and came to life.

* * *

_Negai dake no yakusoku wa_

_Toki ga tateba iroaseru_

_Can you feel me underneath the skin?_

_Anna ni kasaneta omoi nara_

_We'll be alright_

_Shinjite ireba sou_

_Donna tookute sou_

_Stay with me_

* * *

**_Translation:_**

_The promise of that only wish_

_Fades away when time passes._

_Can you feel me underneath the skin?_

_If feelings again happened that way._

_We'll be alright_

_If I just believe_

_No matter how far away you are,_

_Stay with me_

* * *

"Girl." 

Kagome sucked in her breath and turned. There stood a youkai with long silver hair, and a majestic almost feminine beauty.

"You are...?" She wanted to run.

He wasn't listening he just continued, "Quit looking for him."

"Why? I feel like...something is missing." She placed a hand over her heart. She was so scared and tense that she was near laughter.

"He is gone and will not be remembered, he is forever forgotten as you should be. Go back to your own time." His voice was so cold. She could feel the ice, almost.

She was about to say something but blinked and then he was just gone.

What was going on? Who was that youkai? He had seemed so familiar to her, but like many things she could not find a trace of him in her memories.

Kagome walked back to her village even though running might have been wise.

Was he watching her now? Waiting in some alcove or in the nearby forest? Kagome made it back to the village, found everyone just the same as when she had left.

Keade was getting sick and her friends were not back from the village of the demon slayers.

* * *

**_A/N: Yes these chapters are short but my muse gets distracted by shiny objetcs a lot.Ohhh btw...Me no own Inuyasha-sama you no sue!_**

**_-Ladyk_**


	4. Four

**Dreams**

_Sickness_

We two parted In silence and tears, Half broken-hearted To sever for years.  
-Lord Byron

Kaede was sick, but improving, it must have been some sort of flu, for it had all the symptoms.

It had been five days since Sango and the others had left.

And still...

The ache of longing haunted her.

Kagome had returned to that state of unconscious living. Her dreams were becoming less and less frequent.

But _he_ was not in those dreams.

If kagome hadn't asked Kaede when she was so unwell perhaps she might have made more sense.

For she described him and he seemed to be that youkai she met in th forest.

"Kaede-baba he was beautiful, surelyit was Inuyasha..." Kagome was daydreaming and fetching water when Kaede spoke.

"He was a fool and cold, but you tamed Inuyasha more than Kikyou ever could. I believe, truley that your love can still save him." Kaede slipped off into slumber agin.

"Inuyasha!", Kagome wanted to scream and beg for answers. She was bound by etiquette and her loss of memory. She could not ask.

Dreams of him would no longer come...

Before kagome could think of another reason Kaede spoke again after she had rested.

"Child, he is forgoten to remember will come at the price of understanding what he meant to you...don't let that kill you."

This time Kaede did not slip off but adjusted her body and asked for some miso soup.


	5. Five

**Dreams**

_Haunting_

_**The darkest day,  
Live till to-morrow, will have pass'd away.  
-Cowper**_

_This dream melted and shaped into something else something darker, unkind and wonderful._

_His hand had ahold of hers again but he wasn't speaking at all this time, no far off voice to be any comfort._

_He was facing her and it was the same smile and she couldn't make out his eye's._

_"Ummm", Kagome prompted to get get his attention. _

_He just stood there frozen._

_His grip tightened and the smile became a sneer while the fang that showed gleamed. _

_She became aware of her surroundings, like she rarley did in her dreams. It was outside and they stood near the god tree, Goshinboku._

_'The Tree', she thought, that was what he meant! Goshinboku!_

_As her eyes roamed the youkai wrapped one arm about her waist._

_Instantly she cried out as he moved toward her and pulled her closer at the same time. _

_"Stop. W-what're you doing?", but her voice held no conviction as his mouth found her neck._

_She liked this but it was wrong, she didn't know why but it felt so right._

_Then she was on her knees and he was standing above her she tilted her head up to look at him. Begging._

_His hands found her black locks and wound themselves in it._

_He knelt down also and kissed her, tongue forcibly taking over her mouth._

_She didn't fight. She could have..._

_He was laying on top of her holding her breast, kneading it._

_He kissed her more and more, became rough. Forcing her to cry out in pain and desperation._

_Ripping...that's what she heard as her stopped kissing her. _

_Her shirt was gone, her bra as well. Thrown on the ground torn to shreds._

_'No! This isn't what I wanted! Don't touch her! Get you're goddamn hands off her!'_

_Kagome sobbed full of desire and fear...and now she was hearing voices. _

_It came from far off in the depths of her mind. It kept yelling becoming more distinct._

_She could tell the voice belonged to a guy._

_'Kagome don't let him...me do this! Fight him! Run!'_

_The voice was weak against her desire and she wondered why she was even listening..._

_'Dammit Kagome you know this is wrong, you know it!'_

_Then he was wrapping his mouth around her nipple._

_Thought vanished then, even the voice was gone._

_She wasn't afraid. Wave after wave washed over her and she was going down._

_He lifted her breaking contact with her breast. _

_'Kagome if you ever loved me you should know that I would never do this! That isn't me! Don't you remember?'_

_Her eyes snapped open snd she knew that this wasn't him._

_She was no longer drowning in passion and desire._

_Kagome arched her back drawing on emotion and the residue if fear._

_Her arms wrapped around him and she let her power go._

_He cried out and half-rolled half-flung himself from her._

_He landed two feet away from her, crumpled and spasming, the faint smell of burning flesh hung in the air._

_'Great job', the voice said relieved._

_She sat up slowly as reality hit her._

"Your telling me she doesn't remember him!"

How is this possible Kaede-sama?

"Yeah, How could Kagome forget! D-does she..s-still remember me!"

"Shhh child it is all right...Kagome remembers you. She has been wondering when you would be back."

Kagome peered around the corner of Kaede's hut listening to the voices inside, luckily it was still dark so they wouldn't see her.

When she first heard the voices she went running toward them happy that her companions were back but the tone of there voices made her stop and listen.

Shippo was crying and she had to fight the urge to march inside and console him. There was nothing wrong with her! She remembered most everything quite well!

_But...that voice...it was someone she knew she just couldn't place who._

"Maybe her memory will return with time?", It was Sango who asked sounding tense and worried.

"It's possible, the loss was very hard on her...it was...hard on all of us, but more so for Kagome...", Miroku answered and trailed off.

It was silent for a few seconds then there was a crashing sound and a resounding smack and then an 'Ouch' from Miroku as he got what he deserved from Sango.

Shippo snorted and called him "idiot", and they all started laughing.

Kagome felt a twinge of pain and she covered a hand over her heart trying to figure out why.

They laughed and then the laughing changed to crying and it was mixed together and confusing.

"Oh, I miss him!", Sango said sniffing.

sniffle-sniffle "Yeah I do, too!", Shippo added.

"Well this has been very stressful, and it is late I think that we should try to get some much needed rest.", Miroku yawned and got up to unroll the futons.

"You can talk to Kagome in the morning", Kaede said wiping away her tears.

There was nothing left for Kagome to do but to slip away to her bed.

There she lay, unable to find peace of mind.


	6. Six

**Dreams**

_Closer_

_**In the real world as in dreams, nothing is quite what it seems.  
-The Book of Counted Sorrows**_

"Shippo!"

"Kagome, Kagome! We're back!"

She ran to the kitsune and embraced him tightly smiling and laughing as she did.

"Oh I'm so glad you're back I missed you so much", She added quietly, Shippo smiled but it fell away when he looked at her.

Sango ran up and Shippo stepped back so that Kagome could hug Sango too.

"What is wrong with Shippo?" Kagome breathed in her ear as they stopped to look at each other.

"The village...the ronin had dug up the bodies and were preparing to burn them..." Sango trailed off with tears in her eyes.

"Oh I'm so sorry! How could they do such a thing?" Kagome was shocked and angry but she stopped as Sango began to tremble.

"I'm not sure what they were planning...they tried to fight us and we had to fight back, eventually they gave up and ran away. But they..had dug up father's body...and he looked, he was rotting and...Oh gods...I never imagined I would see my own father's corps rotting away to dust. We were burying the bodies, that is why we were gone so long." Sango stopped talking the tears overtaking her.

Kagome held sango as she cried like she had not cried in a very long time. Shippo looked about ready to cry, too. She felt the same way but for some reason she though that they weren't crying over the demon slayer's village.

"It was awful but we think the ronan might come back, after all it is a deserted village." Miroku came forward but he didn't hug them, he had a look of disgust on his face and his eye's had a far away look in them.

"What are we going to do about that?" Kagome sounded weak as she asked it, feeling drained, but she had no reason to feel that way...other than maybe not getting enough sleep.

"I'm not sure yet, I though perhaps we would take up guard in that village..we could live there for a while but it's far from the well...Kirara could help you get back and forth." He rasied both arms, shook them in front of him and began backing away at the look she gave him.

* * *

Sango and Kagome sat on a grassy hill that overlooked the village. They watched the men and women working in the fields and the children playing outside.

"Kaede says you haven't gone home in since we left." Sango looked down at her food guiltily.

"No I haven't...I-I don't know why. I should go soon and get supplies." Kagome looked around and wouldn't meet Sango's eyes.

"You don't remember, do you? Kaede said that you have been unable to remember anything about Inuyasha...and the shikon no tama." Sango absently picked at a sausage on her plate of food.

_Inu...yasha? What's she talking about? Shikon no tama? Ji-chan would talk about the jewel of four souls but...oh please!_

"What are you talking about the shikon no tama was just a legend! It doesn't even exist here!" Sango winced at Kagome's firm voice.

"Do you remember Onigumo or his half-demon self...Naraku?" Sango began to cry again, all Kagome could do was sit there trying to remember.

"N-no, I don't even know what you're talking about..."

"Ha ha ha...you don't? Oh then you forgot everything!" Sango laughed and wiped away her tears.

"I don't" Kagome replied coldly.

"Inuyasha...he decide to become a full-demon after we defeated Naraku...you probably don't remember because it was a very terrible time. He said he wouldn't stay a hanyou for you anymore, he threw your love for him back in your face and...you just gave him the jewel! Just like that! Because you were in love and you never really believed he would do it! I don't think he really wanted to become a full-youkai...but something changed between you two. It was a couple nights before and something happened and then both of you became distant with each other. Miroku, Shippo and I didn't notice it at first so maybe something happened the night _before_ the fight but you acted strangely. Then when we had won Inuyasha demanded the jewel and you gave it too him...without saying a word, and you walked back the village alone. He used the jewel...and there was this blinding light and he was gone...I might have blinked but...Kagome I think he is dead." Sango's voice rose and fell at times she sounded sad and angry then there were the times when she sounded empty...like she hadn't lived it.

Like she wasn't remembering her brother and his face as she murdered him because he didn't go back to normal when Naraku was defeated. No, Naraku didn't return his memorys. He just turned and attacked them. There was nothing else she could have done. That is what she told herself.

"Inuyasha? Sango I don't remember...At times I think I do, kind of like I see this face and I know it...but then it fades and I don't know...shikon no tama..? I don't remember that either. I can see us traveling together but I don't remember the jewel." Kagome gazed at the crystal blue sky.

"I know you don't, maybe it's better this way? Not having those memories." Sango stood and without saying anything she walked back to the village. Kagome watched her from the hill.

She wondered why she couldn't remember, why her memory didn't recall that name.

_Inuyasha?_

_Nothing. Who'd told her to fight the youkai in her dreams?_

_The one she would have let rape her. The one who she so desperately wanted._

_Was that really Inuyasha?_

_Or was it just a dream?_


	7. Seven

**Dreams**

_Unexpected_

_**He was like an angel, you know?  
I never knew life could be like that.  
He was the one thing I followed through in my life, the one thing I didn't give up on.  
I was good at loving him.  
-Caroline: The Untamed Heart**_

She could see him when she closed her eyes.

He was real here...

_Inuyasha?_

_His eyes shined with ethral light, orbs shifting through the darkness._

_His golden skin and silver hair were entrancing._

_Everything that had happened were undone, unhappiness, longing, doubt, regret, anger and fear. _

_She was lost and it was his warm embrace that brought her home to the place she wanted to belong._

_Kagome saw that when she closed her eyes in her dream._

_'How could you forget?' The whisper flowed through her window._

_The same voice in her last dream._

_Was this him?_

_Was this all that was left of Inuyasha?_

_"I didn't!" She replies full of an unknown feeling._

_'You ran away after you gave me the shikon jewel.' He rubuked her._

_"I didn't, I never ran away! The fight we had...wasn't it a fight?" Kagome asked the dark corner of her heart._

_'Waddya mean? Kagome I-well..w-we..um...ahh' He hestated then stopped completly sounding ashamed and embarassed._

_"We what? Inuyasha? What happened..? I don't remember anything. I think I see you sometimes, but I'm not sure" She stopped feeling stupid._

_'Kagome? You'll get your memory back! And I'll be here to help!' She could hear him smiling as he spoke, did she even know what a smile sounded like?_

_"No, you won't...Your not here now! What happened that night? Inuyasha?" Kagome demanded and he was silent._

_Uh-oh, she thought as he was silent for a very long time, she'd almost given up hope he would._

_'It wasn't a fight if that's what you're thinkin'.I wish you could remember cuz I ain't telling ya.' He answered loudly sounding slightly sullen._

_"Just tell me since I don't remember! Your being mean, Inuyasha! Tell!" Kagome smiled triumphantly as he sighed._

_'Nah, no way. It was pretty great too bad you forgot.' He laughed, taunting her._

_"Oh! Inu-ya-sha-" She laughed evilly._

_'N-no, no don't, Kagome I'm warning you! Don't you dar-' He cried and oomphed as she said it._

_"Sit Boy!" She giggled and blinked innocently as she heard the same crashing sound she knew all too well._

_'Hmpf! Well then since your being that way...Good Bye!' He growled as he up righted himself._

_"O-oh no don't leave, I won't do it again! I promise!" She yelped putting her hands to her face._

_'Not good enough!' He replied._

_Then he was there and they were sitting in front of each other in a large room with tatami mats on the floor, and shoji screens. She would have asked where she was and why he was here but his grin made her stop and blush. Slowly he pulled her hands down from her face._

_'Sooo Kagome, now that I can get my hands on you...What's up?' His grinned widened as she gasped._

_"You...you..you baka! I was so scared you were dead! Sango said that! She said..." Kagome broke down in tears and through herself at the half demon._

_'It's okay. Shhh. Shhh. It's alright. Do I look dead?' He cupped her face in his hands and tilted her face up to look at him._

_"You look...fine. Baka! Dumb dog..." Kagome's lip trembled and Inuyasha swore._

_'Ah woman don't give me that look.' He glanced away looking like a little kid caught stealing a cooking._

_"Then I won't..." Kagome smiled and kissed him._

_Finally when they broke apart he looked at her, amazed._

_"That's not like you!"_

_Inuyasha sounded a little mad...like he hadn't wanted her to kiss him. She became defensive._

_"Maybe not. I have changed." She frowned and curled her legs up under her chin._

_"Eh." Was his only reply as he shrugged._

_"Where are we?" She asked looking around._

_**SMACK**_

**('Ouff')**

**(What is your problem?Stop being so perverted, Hoshi!)**

**(San-go! I-I wasn't sneaking into your room! I saw a spirit and I was concerned-)**

**(Shhhh! Quiet! You are going to wake the entire village.)**

"What was that?" Kagome mumbled as she shot up from her bed, the covers falling on the floor.

Tripping over the blankets she managed to reach the door. She pulled open the tatami mat used as a make shift door and muffled a gasp at what she saw.

Miroku stepped away from another attempted slap and caught her wrist and pulled her to him and--

Miroku and Sango were kissing!

Yes! At last! I just wish I would have been able to find out where that was in the dream... Kagome thought as she watched Miroku's hand slide down to Sango's butt. Without missing a beat Sango swatted his hand away.

"Well", Kagome said as she turned away, "things are very different now!"

_'Really, you think so?'_

"Maybe." She tripped again on the blankets and fell face first onto the bed.

_'Maybe...'_

_**A/N: Do you hate me? Be honest! This chapter was rather short compared to the last ones. I am sorry but I won't be updating for the next few days. Don't blame me! Blame Harry Potter!cries It is all his fault...I'm reading the sixth book...and I won't be moving..I'll be to distracted! R&R Ttfn!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	8. Eight

**Dreams**

_Stolen_

**If not, why then I want to remind you**

**...and the happiness we had.**

**-Sappho**

Rain fell slowly the puddles ringing with droplets caught her attention.

As each one fell she felt less real.

For many minutes she stared at the light reflected from them.

_Sango and Miroku..._

They were gone again back to the village of demon slayers, no, now just a deserted village filled with spirits echoing the loss and pain they were dealt in their final moments.

Shippo was with Kaede, more and more often he spends time with her.

Kagome didn't notice the cold creeping in, didn't wrap the blanket more tightly around her as the rain fell harder.

She just kept looking at the puddle, locked in a space surrounded by pleasant silence.

_Inuyasha..._

She'd once again stopped having dreams, it had been at least four days since the last one.

Her head snapped up at the sound of footsteps stepping up and walking into the room.

A shiver ran up her spine as the voice spoke, the same one from the forest.

"Girl." It was chill and cruel but a faint pique of curiosity bloomed in it.

She didn't turn around but steeled her voice and answered with anger.

"So it's the same beast from the forest, is it?" She caught a movement from the corner of her eye.

With no time to react he had her pinned to the floor with a clawed grasp on her neck.

"Beast?" He asked then added quietly. "No, what does a mortals word matter."

Her hand came up over his and lovingly dug into it. Faintly she let shot a bolt of her power her hand and let her go quickly enough.

He stood and dropped his hand to his side.

_His only hand!_

"Who are you?" Her voice wavered and she unconsiously lowered her gaze to the floor.

"I see that your memory has not improved." He continued to gaze at her and it seemed to blaze through her.

"Sesshomaru-sama." Kagome heared her own voice speak filled with amazment and fear. Suddenly she wasn't afraid but her heart skipped with bitter longing.

She looked at him then and waited in awe, seeing at last the slashes marking him a tai-youkai.

"I came seeking answers about my dear little brother." He announced turning his back on her and she smiled as he did so, supressing a laugh.

"No you didn't." Her voice caught in her throat as she realized the truth. "You came for me."

Now it was his turn to smile at her reply.

"Yes."

Sesshomaru turned back to her, his lips curled and one fang showing.

_**A/N: Sorry short chapter but it seemed such a good idea to leave you hanging here. Don't hurt me! I swear the ninth chapter is coming along great and will be added very soon! What's funny is I though it was gonna take me two or three days to read the sixth Harry Potter book but it only took me twenty hours...yes I know I'm a geek...sigh That book wasen't even that good. R&R!(My fanfic not HP!)**_


	9. Nine

**Dreams**

_Reasonless_

**_When anger spreads through the breath, guard thy tongue from barking idly.  
-Sappho_**

_Days? _

_Weeks? _

_Months?_

_How long had it been?_

_Inuyasha..._

_Inuyasha._

Sesshomaru had taken her from the village and where she was now...was hard to say.

It was a large castle, she thought.

_Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kaede..._

_They must all be worried._

_Could they find this place?_

_No I can't rely on them! This was my fault I was spirited away to here!_

_I've got to do something._

A maid knocked and came in without her saying anything. That was the problem. Kagome had lost her voice. Kagome had lost her will to speak.

The maid brought in a silk kimono and lead her to the huge bathing room down the hall from her room.

That was a problem also. She could go anywhere if she so wished, but she had to be accompienied by a maid.

_Oh, so sorry. 'I can't go anywhere'...I can't go outside!_

Her eye's glazed and she stared at the floor as she walked forcing her tears back inside.

_This is awful!_

_I want to go back to the village!_

_I would like to go home..._

_Home._

_Mama, Ji-chan, Souta._

_Home. That's all._

It wasn't that bad, she had good food, good drink, a lovely bed, a beautiful room, warm baths...and...

_Sesshomaru._

His intentions were unclear.

He was his usual stoic self. But he...wore this smug smile everytime she left his presents.

_Two weeks? Yes, two weeks. Maybe three._

_That's how long she had been here._

_Almost a month._

_Why is he keeping me? I've never done anything to him! Why me? Why here?_

Clandles lined the walls of the bathing room making a romantic atmosphere. They were scented lightly too, jasmine and wild orchid.

The steaming bath water held in a beautifully shaped pool right in the middle of the large room looked very inviting.

Without her noticing the woman had slipped out to give her privacy.

Thinking about her situation she disrobed and sank into the water.

_What if I can't get out of here?_

She sank down deeper sighing.

_What can I do?_

_Why does he want me here?_

Kagome wrapped her arms around her legs and cried.

She cried for home, the one she didn't go to often anymore. She cried for Sango. Miroku and Shippo who had become so distant with her before she had come here. She even cried for him, and the times hse couldn't remember.

So very slowly she got up out of the water reaching for a towl near the edge she wiped her tear stained face and then her body.

Heat radiated off of her as she slipped into undergarments and a dark blue silk kimono with poppy patters on it.

"Beautiful", she breathed turning to go out the door and back to her rooms.

_Maybe I can get away._

Kagome turned looking down the long right hallway and then to the left.

Is she went to the left she'd might claim she was lost, after all, _she was just a mere human._

She almost laughed at that thought and she stopped herself not wanting to risk being caught.

Lightly she stepped down the hall, the creak of a floorboard made her jump and walk at a near run.

Finally the hall turned left and her breath hissed out through her teeth at the man striding down the hall.

That one was always around Sesshomaru too...

_Jano, wasn't it..._

There was nothing she could do it was either stand here and be caught or run back to her rooms.

Too late! He'd caught sight of her. He was smiling kindly and he ran up to her.

_At least he wasn't cold like Sesshomaru!_

She thought as he as asked her what she was doing.

Almost regretfully Kagome straightened her back and announced her dilemma.

"I would _really_ like to be able to go _outside_. I can't stay locked up her forever!" She was about to bow but caught herself, her eyes merely flashed.

His eye's, a light brown, winced at the tone of her voice and he smiled and explained the little he knew.

"Forgive me Kagome-sama." He bowed. "But you must talk to Sesshomaru, I'm sure if you do that he'll let you go outside."

He bowed low again but upon hearing a sob he raised his head questioningly.

She was crying.

"Kagome-sa--?"

"I want to go home! Why does he insist upon keeping me here?" She sobbed covering her eyes.

Jano stared feeling stupid he caught himself and tried to better the situation which was spiraling in a bad direction.

"Kagome-sama, please allow me to escort you to your room and I will take to the lord about it." He smiled even though she wasn't looking.

She went gladly happy that something would be done about this.

_**A/N: You know what I'm thinking? (You don't) But I think it's lemon time! Waddya say? How about the next chapter? I think we are long overdue...**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	10. Ten

_**Dreams**_

_Exquisite_

**Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.  
-Henry David Thoreau **

_"Why?" She mumbled looking into his warm eyes._

_'I have to, I swear Kagome if I had a choice I wouldn't go...but I have to!" He snapped, sadly._

_Tenderly he embraced her, his words ringing in her ears._

_"I still want to go with you. W-what if you don't come back?"_

_'I'll come back' he murmured in her ear, his breath warm. Stirring emotions in her._

_"If you don't!" She demanded breaking away from him the pain evident in her eyes. The tears hadn't stopped._

_'If I don't--' He closed his eyes imagining her with a human man in her time. Happily married with beautiful children. He opened them and gazed at her, seeing every pain he had caused her._

_He tried to put cold steel in his voice trying to sound like the brother he hated. The cold emotionless bastard. It had to be this way but before he could she was looking at him like he'd killed her._

_"Answer me." She said loudly taking a step closer to him._

_'If I don't. I'll come back! If--if I don't you'll need to run away. You can't fight a Naraku and his demons, your not strong enough.' He winced at what he was saying after he realized that he could be punished for calling her weak._

_He waited looking at her but when she said nothing he turned around and began rolling out his bed-roll, ignoring the need to put his arms around her again._

_"You think that's how I am? You think that I could leave you after everything we have been through? After everything...You want me to run away and go home if something happens! I can't do that Inuyasha!" She stood there looking at his back waiting for his reply._

_'Do me a favor? If I don't come back go home for good! Find yourself a man and have a good life.' He breathed loudly staring at his bed._

_"No." Her voice broke. "I won't! You want me to go away forever and forget you. I can't. I can't, I can't." She took a few steps back until she hit a solid wall. She slid down it cradling her head in her arms._

_'Kagome I didn't mean it that--'_

"Kagome-sama?" A voice called to her in the depths of sleep. "Lord Sesshomaru demands you come to his rooms immediately, I'll send Ume in to help you dress."

Immediately she shot up, half-full of regret. She had wanted to find out more about the dream she'd been having but she wanted to know why she had to be in this castle.

Ume, the maid that had been there the entire time she'd been forced to stay here came rushing in with a new kimono.

It was dark blue with tiny blood-red anemones scattered here and there on the fabric. She put it on then Ume helped her tie the golden obi on.

"Thank you..." Kagome said quietly as the maid took up a brush and began decorating her hair.

It was unusual, this hairstyle but one that Kagome found elabroate and simple.

_I look like a geisha._

She noted walked toward the door, before she got there Jano had pushed it open with a broad smile he lead her down the hall.

She didn't ask where she was going, she'd learned that it was useless to ask when one so rarely got answers.

Jano walked quickly and Kagome followed a few steps behind finding the shoes were a bit hard to walk fast in.

_Down a long hallway, then up a large staircase._

Kagome thought glancing around as they went, trying to plan an escape.

Abruptly he stopped and she was thankful that she was a few steps behind or she would have slammed into him.

He turned, bowing and opened a door for her. He didn't raise his head as she self-consciously walked past into the room.

It was a very large library.

_Like everything else. I should have known it would be a library...Kinda like a fairytale._

Kagome shivered at the thought, this wasn't like a fairytale, this was like a bad dream. Only real.

She surveyed the room, finding it devoid of any comfortable feeling. The door shut behind her with a faint clicking sound.

_Eh, a bad dream._

She shivered once again fighting the urge to run to the door, run down the long hallways and hope to find an exit. But like cold hand on her shoulder she knew the door would be locked.

Letting her shoes come off she walked toward a long table on the far side of the large library. Upon it was laid a book titled: Jewel of shikon.

Kagome thought how familiar it sounded and leafed through the pages catching words here and there. It was full of exquisite color paintings.

"Love and hate. The great priestess fought off the most powerful demon and fell along with him, the great Inu demon." She read aloud, it struck a chord like the voice behind her.

"My father's father fought the priestess, it was said he loved her. The human woman, it would seem that my bloodline is forever tainted with a fondness for humans." Sesshomaru drawled with his cold voice stepping closer to the table and adding like an afterthought. "You can see the jewel shards, and purify them."

"Yes. That's why your keeping me here! So I can be your jewel detector. It is so, isn't it?" Kagome demanded shrinking in fear. "It's gone though, wished away." She insisted.

"I have no need of the jewel shards. I have no reason to explain myself to a human like you." he reached for the book and closed it with a snap as she drew her hands away. He spoke with no contempt as he called her a human, his voice remained cold and aloof.

"Then let me go. I am no use to you. You don't like humans so there is no reason to keep me locked up here." Kagome forced back a shiver and kept herself steady.

She was afraid as his eyes brushed over her. She was very frightened but he was familiar.

_Inuyasha?_

A voice in deep part of her broken memory spoke a name, but it slipped away as she gazed right back at him, into his molten eyes.

"I hate repeating myself. He is _gone_." Kagome's gaze turned to fear again as he turned away. His eyes brushed over the room like he'd brushed over her as he commented to himself more that her. "This room is in need of a cleaning."

"Who?" She breathed not understanding the little voice begging to be understood.

He still didn't look at her, but she was sure he heard. Very sure.

"I must be having a mental breakdown." She moaned slipping to the floor hands at her temples.

"If that were happening you wouldn't be aware." He looked at her and a slight twitch formed at the corner of his mouth.

"Like you'd really know!" She snapped back she said swaying as she stood up.

Her head was wrenched back and she was again on the floor, kneeling, face looking up at the tai-youkai who had a hold of her hair. Tears fogged up her sight as the strange emotions entrapped her.

It was painful having her hair pulled back but it was exquisite. _Exquisite, _that word, that thought scared her more than anything. Her breathing quickened and desire made her pulse race.

She thought that he had to hear her heart racing, the pounding.

Kagome gasped as he tugged slightly to get her attention.

"You are hear because of _this_, you enjoy this pain. Don't you? I am curious to know what you are. Long ago legends speak of a priestess with blue eyes, racked with pain and found it gratifying." Sesshomaru breathed in her scent and found it to be just that, aroused. "It isn't", he continued, "...because of that halfling."

"Please...", Kagome begged, her eyes shut, tears falling down her face, body betraying her. She did not know for what she asked. The embarrassment of being on the floor, fear of death at his hands, and the strange enjoyment of the hand tugging harshly at her hair.

Did she really want him to let her go? Or was she actually content this way?

Sesshomaru's breath caught in his throat as he reacted to her scent, once again his hand tightened and tugged, then let go, reluctantly. "I'll send Jano to escort you back to your room." He announced stepping back and slipping out the door.

Kagome's arms fell at her side, her hands useless. She squeezed her eyes closed tighter and weakly she wrapped her arms around herself and doubled over forehead almost grazing the floor.

To her merit she didn't cry as she so wanted too. She simply trembled blocking out the sensation. She'd wanted something from him.

She was to drained and frightened to admit it.

She heard Jano open the door and call to her softly, eyes downcast and his face averted.


	11. Eleven

**Dreams**

_Emotions_

**_How love the limb-loosener sweeps me away.  
-Sappho_**

"The great hall." His voice sounded oddly distant as she followed him.

Another two weeks had passed and no rescue had come, the walls were closing in. Would there ever be any help? It wasn't so bad, she had to admit, at least she was in a beautiful room not a cell.

_But it is a cell. Albeit one with lovely gilded bars._

It was true. The voice was right. Kagome shook her head trying to forced the thoughts away, and the voice.

_Maybe you like him more than you let on._

Her own thoughts wandered to the strong willed, menacing form with silver hair.

_So unlike like the other._

This voice was foreboding and dark, so very familiar.

The other who? She mouthed walking slower than she intended.

Jano ahead of her made a noise in the back of his throat to catch her attention, she walked faster.

Even he didn't know why he kept her here, she was a human and he wanted to hate her like most of the others in the castle. But he couldn't, she hadn't given him any real reason too. Ume liked her. Ume was the _only_ maid who did.

"Why must it be this way?" She whispered, almost under hear breath and Jano wanted so much to be able to pretend he didn't hear her. Wanted so much to pretend he didn't hear the shatter of will and heart in her tone.

"Lord Sesshomaru wants you here and he gives no reasons, mayhap he'll tell you." He tried to sound happy or even imperious but, alas, he was too fond of her to feel nothing.

She didn't reply. Even he could sense the way she shifted her gaze to him, an gaze full of half-hearted dislike.

"Ay! Don't blame me, it isn't my fault if the canary hates her home!" He hissed defensively.

Kagome wanted to laugh but she was too close to hysterics to do so.

"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled walking faster forcing her to do the same to keep up. "We're here _My Lady_." The words burned at her as he spoke them and she could tell he knew from the icy smile he wore as he bowed.

It amused Jano that old Sess wanted her to be called 'lady'. Never. Never had Sesshomaru been so nice to a human female other than Rin.

It was amusing, and unsettling.

For now he had other duties to perform.

Kagome steeped into the room almost expecting the library again and was suprised to find a dining room. She gasped at the familiar style. It was old an fashioned Japanese setting, with crystal glasses and plates.

It was a shrewd mix and it worked to certain advantage.

_The great hall? _She queried.

A shifting of light from a crystal goblet caught her attention, her eyes widened at the sight of him.

Swaying from fear she bowed and righted herself feeling stupid.

As usual he was immaculate. No dirt, no leaves in his hair, and he no trace of blood was on him.

_So unlike..._

It was the same evil and ruthless voice from before.

The thought or maybe it was the voice... brought on a blank space in her mind and swaying more violently she reached out and placed her hands on the table.

"Bad thoughts?" The voice echoed about the room and she caught in her already failing breath from fear.

Kagome's fingernails bit into the edges of the table, a wave of blackness overwhelmed her. The splinters caught under her nails brought her to a semblance of reality.

It passed and her head was bowed over the table, she realized, as she straightened without swaying to look at him.

"What are they? You know something..." Her voice cracked and she bared down toward him, most of her fear forgotten.

"I only know the story, that is nearly nothing. You saw the entire story--" He laced his hands in front of him, elbows propped on the table. He didn't flinch as she walked toward him.

"No, no, I never saw the story." She managed coming closer, her anger forgotten as she gazed at his ethereal form, he seemed to glow.

"You did, it wasn't much of a story. The book? The one left out for you to find in the library? Yes, you know the one. That was all that there was too it. Not much, a small paragraph." He studied his hands distracted as she took the last few steps toward him. He could smell her and for once he didn't reject the human scent. She smelled nice. It lingered on the edge of fear close to something more...

"That was all there was? How do you know it meant me?" Her breathing slowed as she bowed respectively but she must have still been feeling weak. She fell right into Sesshomaru's lap.

He could have easily caught her but he let her fall. Kagome fell perfectly, she missed hitting the low table.

"Um." She gasped as she turned to look up at the cold eyes of her captor. It seemed like a tiny flame lingered in each eye, melting the ice as he looked at her.

Without pausing his laced hands came apart and one came down to caress her forhead.

"I lost one of my arms to him. It finally grew back, the power of a true youkai." He continued to gaze at her the flames still remaning. Kagome couldn't speak she just layed there frozen, unable to move.

_A youkai trick?_

She thought. But no, she was just weak. "W-who? I don't know what you are talking about."

"Little brother, Inuyasha." His eyes became far away and he scowled slightly, an expression that didn't fit him.

"Inuyasha..." Another wave came over her but this was comforting and so very expected.

_'Yes. Remember Kagome! Goshinboku? Your dreams?'_

"You remember?" Leaned down to look at her closer and her breath stopped as she saw his lips, she got an urge to kiss him.

"No.' Breathlessly she said as she lifted her head a scant few inches from his lips.

_'Don't! Kagome, no!'_

The same sweetly rough voice yelled in her head again and again. She heard the dispair and anger but if only 'he' could understand, see this youkai above her.

"Please." It was a request and he obeyed a human for the first time as she uttered it.

Laguidly he met her lips with his own, a rare sweetness tinged with recklessness.

She gave in to his tongue, let it fill her mouth.

Then he let go and she slipped from his lap to the floor. It was over, just like that. He gave he a look bordering on passion and want as he stepped out the door.

Fear might have crossed his austere face but she was unsure.

Kagome lay there, she touched her lips a reality already fading. The back of her hand took the place of her fingertips, she needed to feel the weight of life.

_I'm so sorry, if you knew...But you wouldn't understand, would you? This is betrayal._

Why she thought that, she didn't know. She might be trying to tell someone.

She laughed, almost hysterical.

_No one is here._

She thought turning and curling on her side, wracked with useless tears.

Jano didn't come and find her. She just layed there falling into a barely conscious state.

_Dreaming..._

The final image before she fell to the land of sleep was of a silver haired youth, golden eyed, and wearing a blood red kimono.

_**Well, um, yeah sorry...You see I've been grounded. I've had this thing finished fro like 2 weeks and I haven't been allowed internet time. I'd like to add that I did almost nothing to deserve grounding...but..Ma was in a baaaaddd mood! Don't blame me! She went POSTAL, and I got punished. Grumbles To make my life worse... we've been having all these phone calls and now she doesn't like picking up the phone so she figures they are unimportant calls(We don't have caller id and she thinks it is a waste of money)Well apparently one of my stalkers(Yes, I have more than one and to make my life even sadder my last bf was formerly one of my stalkers) has been calling and if my Mom picks up the phone he just doesn't answer her. I happen to pick up the phone two days ago expecting it to be my sister but it was him and he is like, "Did you know there is a parade today?laughsI was wondering if you'd like to go with me?"(Of course I didn't know, I rarely have a good reason to go anymore...it's just not fun.) So I reply with, "Oh there is? Well gee, I've outgrown that kinda stuff, you know...carnivals and parades and the circus...The thing is I was planning on going to the river." At this point he laughs again and he's so gosh darn persistant he keeps going on. "Um, well, it's at 7:00, would you be home by then?laugh" To which I have to say, "I'm sorry...er...I won't be home and we don't have caller id and my sis was gonna call so I gots to go."**_

_**CLICK**_

_**Yeah. Sucky life. Stupid stalkers. Whoo, and now I don't have a bf which that kills me. I miss him. Nothing I can really do about it. Didn't work out the first time and it didn't work out on try numba 2 either.**_

_**Update if not in trouble! R&R!**_

_**Ja!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	12. Twelve

**Dreams**

_Fighting_

_**Back me down from backing up  
Hold your breath now it's stacking up  
Etched with marks, but I can deal  
And you're the problem and you can't feel  
-All American rejects, "Straitjacket Feeling"  
**_

_Skidding to a halt right before she fell to the darkness below she thought to call out but silenced her tongue._

_If she left?_

_A screech from somewhere behind her heralded a demon. If only she had her bow and arrows she could fight it, even kill it._

_'Dummy!' He slashed through the flying bug-like monstrosity as if it were nothing. 'What're you doing?'_

_He landed softly in front of her._

_"I am leaving. I'm going home! If I can't fight then I'm no use." She turned her face away from him at the sharp intake of his breath._

_'I'm glad you are. Kagome you can't fight him. Naraku...I don't--I don't want to lose you.' He just stood there looking at her._

_"Sango, and Miroku can fight, but I-I can't? Inuyasha I've been fighting just as hard as the rest of you! You need Shippo and I to help!" Anger caught in her throat as she glared at him._

_'No you won't be coming, you can't fight...I can't bare to lose you.' His voice faded to a whisper as he came to her and began stroking her face with his rough hands._

_Maybe it was her anger but she found one of the few weak spots and hit it. _

_"You would let Kikyou fight by your side."_

_He blanched at her words and he knew she saw it. Slowly he let his arms fall to his sides. He didn't bother to bite his tongue either. 'Yeah! I would! She is a great archer.'_

_"That's just like you! Inuyasha! Oswari!" Kagome answered her voice full of tears._

_Before he had a moment to think he was crushed against the ground._

_'KA-kago-me.' He yelled spitting out dirt and grass. He still couldn't move.'_

_"Have a a nice life you JERK!" kagome hopped down the well, only the tell-tale blue light proving she was gone._

_'Well that went just peachy!' He announced brushing off the remainder of the dirt, his face red. His gold eyes darkened and he added sadly, 'goodbye Kagome.'_

_"Wha-?"_

_"No! I'm not going back._

_"But, but sis c'mon!"_

_"No way, stop bugging me about it Souta!"_

_Souta kept begging her to change her mind about never going back and she didn't want to admit it as she walked out the door that she wanted to find out what had happened. She was hurt, hurt and angry. It wasn't fair and she was so worried. That night she came home she pretended she was fine._

_Then when she'd gotten to her room, the awful weight of fear and regret fell onto her. She had cried then, with her legs scrunched up under her chin, holding a pillow to her face to block out the retched sobs she was racked with._

_Now here she was walking to the well, the dark shadows plagued with a weak moonlight that kept despairing behind dark grey clouds._

_With a low indrawn sigh she walked through the doors and jumped into the well becoming surrounded in blue light._

_"You mean...they still aren't back yet?" _

_"Nay child, I know how worried ye are. Be assured they are strong and they will win, do not fear."_

_Kaede tried in vain to console Kagome as she began to cry._

_"He wo-wo-uldn't let me fight. I-I-Inuyasha could be dead." She cried through her hands looking at the blurred priestess._

_"Aye, aye, perhaps it is best. I think not though, your spiritual powers are great and even though they know where the jewel shards--"_

_"Ha ha ha ha ha, run little weaklings, I'll kill you all!" A sharp high voice keened as the sound of screaming and fire lighted upon them._

_"Oh no! Kaede, the villagers." Kagome yelled, her present pain forgotten as she reached for the bow and arrows Kaede handed her._

_Kagome turned and ran out the door and the old priestess hobbled behind her. Almost at once Kagome saw the demon, a centipede so much like first one she had run from two years before. Deftly she notched an arrow as the monster advanced toward more running villagers._

_"Stop right there beast!" She screamed at the demon and it saw her, and the jewel shards she carried._

_Kaede standing near the young woman was surprised at her voice and how much she sounded like Kikyou._

_"The powerful priestess that guards this village, yes, I have heard of you. Others said you were dead. How fortuitist that I get the chance to kill you and take the jewel shards." It screeched scuttling forward towering above her._

_Without a moment to spare she let loose her spiritual arrow and it hit the demon square in the head, it's ugly lips stretched into a scream as it dissipate._

_Kagome sagged to the ground, the bow held tightly in her right hand, head downcast as if in silent prayer. It had taken a lot of power to do that, maybe when she was with Inuyasha she hadn't realized it._

_Kaede kneeled down to check on her and gasped her mouth wide as she put her hand to the girls brow. She was burning up like fire! "Child you are sick!"_

_Then the chanting began, weakly she raised her head to listen to the villagers all crowded together chanting her name._

_"KA-GO-ME! KA-GO-ME! KA-GO-ME!"_

_Her ears buzzing and she remember that when she first came here she was evil and strange to the villagers. Now, now they accepted her._

_"They never did this for Kikyou..." Kaede said to no one in particular a worried look on her face as she looked again at Kagome's face and the beads of perspiration forming on her fiery brow._

_With a muffled sigh Kagome passed out, Kaede caught her before she fell face forward._

"Huh." Kagome turned in bed her vision blurry from sleep. Slowly she sat up, stretching and yawning, shaking the sleep from her eyes.

Thoughtfully she stood up, she rarely thought about running away anymore. It wasn't all that bad here, and maybe if she was nice she could go outside once in a while.

A yellow canvas caught her attention and she went forward to find her bag. She rummaged around in it to, finding her school books and homework that had never been completed. She felt bad then, about the life that she was supposed to have, and how it was slipping away.

Her hand clasped something cold and metal and she pulled it out from the recesses of the canvas to find a pretty heart shaped locket.

With a strangled, "Oh", she saw the images inside it.

She kept staring at the one on the right side of the heart. It was _him_. She thought that if the past could reach out and grab her it would. If she could touch the missing memories, turn them over and understand it all...

"That name, that name, Sesshomaru said it, it's you isn't it?" She spoke to the minnie image her voice thick and her eyes blurred again but it was only tears and not sleep.

Tears for the things lost and so out of reach.

"Who were you? Why can't I ever remember?" The locket slipped from her hands, still open, and fell to the wooden floor with a tiny click.

"Lady Kagome?" Umi entered sounding slightly worried as he closed the door behind her.

"I suppose _The Lord _would like me to see him?" She gasped a bitter and wry tone creeping in. She couldn't quite explain why, it was like a bad taste entered her mouth but it didn't quite stop there, it entered her whole system.

The kiss, she remembered, placing her hand to her lips as she grasped around with her other hand on the floor searching for the locket and looking at the maid.

_Was it just some game to you? Did you think that I was really so weak? Did you ever believe I was anything like her? Did you? Am I just the imperfect replacement? 'Kikyou was a master archer.' I'm not. But I'll try. Am I good enough, am I? I know that you never stop thinking about her and I can't ask you to forget Kikyou. I want to stay with you. Why are you leaving me like this? Why can't I fight, after all...after everything, and I-I tried so hard. I like you just the way you are. Without realized it I've fallen so in love him. I love you. Help me! Please, help me! I can't fight without you!_

The words she must have spoken at some time burst through her mind as she touched the locket again.

"Are you alright?" Faint steps came toward her and then Umi was there helping her up.

"You never answered my question..." Muzzily she shook her head to rid herself of the strange feelings.

"Oh, but I did. So sorry, you did not hear me? The answer is yes he would like to see you very soon. I've brought you a very splendid kimono today, Miss." Umi took a step back and bowed then turned to a table and lifted up a peach colored kimono with green and blue flowering along with a forest green obi.

"So beautiful! I've been meaning to ask. How do you get all these kimono?" Kagome smiled happily and ran a finger along the edge of the obi.

"Well...most...most of them belonged to his mother. The others, like this one, especially this one, was made for you." Umi lowered her gaze and Kagome got the impression that Sesshomaru wanted her to know about the kimono, but he didn't want to tell her, no, that is where Umi came into play.

Her curiosity was peaked and she couldn't help herself. "His mother? What happened to her?"

"She died. The story goes..The great Lady Wife was badly wounded by another powerful youkai and a priestess found her...then without even a blink of her eyes she finished what the youkai didn't." Umi smiled gravely her gaze still downcast.

"How awful..poor Sesshomaru. It must have been so hard on him." Kagome felt a hot prickle behind her eyes and had to blink profusely to dissipate the feeling.

"Yes! It was...he was never the same after her death. It wasn't so hard on his father, Inu-Tashio. He had a mistress and she was expecting. A filty half-breed...Sesshomau never liked him. Inu-Tashio, Izayoi his whore, and Inuyasha." Umi gasped at her faux pas and looked up in shock at Kagome who backed away a bit looking confused.

_'I'm still here, tell me you haven't forgotten me...Kagome.'_

A familiar voice spoke in her head and she knew it, but it was so far away and it was easier to not try and remember such things, because it...it...

"Inuyasha? Please help me." Her voice fell along with her as she smashed into the ground and new no more in the dark depths of unconsciousness.

_**Well, this is a long chapter isn't it? Does that mean I get more reviews? Plz...puppy eyes R&R!**_

_**Ja!**_

_**-Lady K**_


	13. Thirteen

**Dreams**

_Strange_

_**I cannot say, and I will not say That he is dead. He is just away. With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand, He has wandered into an unknown land. And left us dreaming how very fair It needs must be since he lingers there. And you— you, who the wildest yearn For the old-time step and the glad return— Think of him faring on, as dear In the love of there as the love of here; Think of him still as the same, I say; He is not dead—he is just away.**_

_**-James Whitcomb Riley **_

Hazy and dizzy she opened her eyes with Umi standing over her with the same shocked expression. Kagome caught her warm hand in her cold one begging with her eyes.

"Why?" She croaked, she swallowed painfully. It was as if she was burning up, just like the dream.

Umi's face creased and she sobbed once before answering, the tears standing in her dark eyes. "I don't know My Lady, I wasn't supposed to say anything. Forgive me. Forgive me, say that you will." Umi sobbed kneeling and bowing her head to the floor.

"Yes, you're forgiven. I can understand why you did not tell me." Kagome gazed at the ceiling her eyes not seeing and with a far off though she added quietly. "I won't tell him."

Umi still crying acknowledged what she had said with a tiny nod of her head.

"Umi, I see him. I've seen him for such a long time in my dreams and I never knew. He has always been with me, you know, he said he'd never leave me. I guess in his own way he didn't. I feel like I've forgotten everything! It was real. I know that now, he was _real. _I think, I think I was in love with him, but I can't remember what happened to him. All I know is he is gone. Gone." Kagome's vision blurred with the all to usual tears.

She looked down at her Mistress smiling. "We need to get you to bed. I think you have a fever. But...I can tell you that I don't know what happened to him either. I would think that we would have heard something. Don't worry My Lady, he was real." Umi made Kagome get up and she moved her to bed with little difficulty.

Kagome sighed contentedly laying in her soft bed she turned her head to look at the maid sitting on the bed. "I'd like to go outside soon. I don't think it's healthy to be inside so much."

"I'm sure of that, Miss!" Umi stood up and announced shortly. "Oh dear, oh, Sesshomaru-sama wanted to see you today...I will tell him you are not well and then I shall suggest that you would get better if allowed to be outside sometimes. When it comes to you I don't think he'll be able to say no." With that she scurried out the door.

A thought occurred to her before the haze claimed her once again, and it set her completely awake. "He is gone and I have to find him, I can't live without him." With her cold hands she covered her mouth and let the tears fall cold to cool her burning face.

"Sesshomaru!...sama?" Her voice echoed through the library as she called out frustrated.

"Yes?" He answered back cooly just as she caught sight of him at a different table than usual, but still near the back of the large room.

"Sorry my lord, but Lady Kagome is sick _again_ sire. A-And I think that she is in dire need of fresh air. Sir, you keep her locked inside like a little bird! She is no such thing. Please sir, if you would take her outside every once and awhile she would be better. The gardens are so beautiful this year..." Umi's voice trailed off as she stared at a heavy silk and velvet closed curtains in wonder of the open space behind it.

"Sick again? I don't think that I agree with you, Umi." Sesshomaru folded his hands over the book he had been reading as he stared at the female.

"B-But S-Sire--"

"Yes, yes, I know." He cut her off. "Jano agrees with you. But tell me exactly what a captive bird does when set free?" Sesshomaru's eyes flickered as he looked up at the maid.

Breathlessly she answered looking into the captivating eyes of her lord. "It flies away, sire."

"Think of that, she'll fly away. And I don't want that, but if it is as you say then I will take her outside." Sesshomaru gave way, he had notice how frail she was looking.

"Thank you sire, thank you." Umi said bowing with the same breathless mien in her voice as she took her leave.

Hurriedly she ran back to tell the good news to her mistress.

**_A/N: Yes it is short but the next chapter will be longer. I know I'll regret saying this later but I miss school, I'm glad it starts really soon. Just don't expect a bunch of new chapters after school starts but I will try as best I can to work on this. As I always say I do my bestest story writing in math class! _****_What? What! (((.. )( ..)))Well, it's the truth! Ou, and check out my profile I've updated! R&R!_**

_**Ja!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	14. Fourteen

**Dreams**

_Ice_

_**Love of colors bewilders the eye and it fails to see right. Love of harmonies bewitches the ear, and it loses its true hearing. Love of perfumes fills the head with dizziness. Love of flavors ruins the taste. Desires unsettle the heart until the original nature runs amok. These five are enemies of true life. Yet these are what men of discernment claim to live for. They are not what I live for. If this is life, then pigeons in a cage have found happiness!**_

_**-Chuang Tzu**_

"Thank you..." Her voice trailed off as she followed in his wake.

"I trust you are well?" His cold voice parried the silence that threatened to take hold.

"Yes, I-...I am better now." She thought to add something else but knew that he wouldn't want her to babble on. Knowing him he probably though all humans talked continuously about everything.

Silence did take over then until he pushed open the doors that lead to the outer garden, since the inner one probably had a few of the youkai servant working there.

He stepped forward and moved slightly to the left as she walked through the doors after him. He focused on her face as her eyes went wide and she gasped then grinned feeling foolish.

He could see her feelings clearly. For some reason though, it didn't bother him as it did with other transient humans.

"I see you like it." He paused slightly curious as her bangs fell over her beautiful eyes and the faint scent of salt scented the air along with rose and hyacinthe.

"Hai." She sighed through the tears. "I do."

The same strange sensation filled him as he saw Kagome cry. The same sensation, only stronger, he felt this way when he asked Rin why she had all those bruises.

"Why are you crying?" His voice was low and for the first time he spoke before he thought to bite his tongue.

"It is so lovely. I've never seen such a place as this. Not even back home." She answered trying not to look at him her voice still thick with tears. "I think I am crying because it is so beautiful...and I am very happy."

He didn't say anything, what was there to say? What good would a meaningless, 'Oh', or 'Hm' do?

So he watched her walk around, her hair the color of the midnight sky, her eye's darkened by the tears that still glittered on her lashes. Her dark blue eyes, the color of twilight. He felt as if his heart was drowning.

She stooped to look at a rose, white until it reached the tips then it had a faint blue tinge. She didn't know why but it reminded her of ice.

Kagome felt his eyes on her, and she knew why she had thought of ice then.

She almost reached out to touch the flower, but had the intuition not to, knowing it would fall apart. It was a thing more frail than glass. But she felt as if she could lose herself in the bloom.

Without knowing it they both had the same feeling, not bad or good, just the feeling of their hearts drowning in some unknown emotion.

"There are times when I can remember things..I don't always know who the boy is but I see him in my dreams. His name..it never seems to stay with me. But today I know it, it's Inuyasha. I wonder if I'll be able to remember it tomorrow? Do you...do you think that I'll forget other things too? No never mind me asking." With an infinitesimal shake of her head she turned to look at him.

Sesshomaru heard the sorrow and felt a longing need to comfort her, wrap his arms around the girl who loved the little brother he hated.

But he did not reach out for her, did not take her in his arms. Ice still held him in place and he was loath to see himself free from the bars he knew too well. He caught himself. It was _emotion_, and she was a human wench. Inu-youkai did not fall in love with humans.

_Oh? Is that so? What about father?_

He thought and clenched his claws as the image of Inu-Tashio with his arms around Izayoi. _Father did._

"Sessho?" A voice called to him and he glanced down only to find the girl a few inches from him. Again an image flashed before him, a very recent one, of him kissing Kagome. The shame...but he didn't feel that way completely.

Perhaps that is why he took solace in her lips as he bent down to kiss her. The thing he had decided not to do a few moments earlier he did. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her enjoying the feel of silk clothing and satin hair brushing along his hands. She was letting him do it and he lost himself there, lost a part of himself.

She let him, she didn't fight. She could forget and this time there was no familiar voice telling her not to. Only the calling of her body and the sad silence that neither beckoned nor pushed away.

**_Any spelling errors? Probably but know this, I wrote this late at night and at the drop of a hat. ((+)) Eeeekk don't you like the fluff? I think it's a bit fluffy, but not too much because it is Sessy remember. Am I ever going to get reviews? I'm not that awful of a writer am I? Am I not loved? I mean if I don't get some reviews soon I might have to stop adding chapters as frequently as I do...Hm, hm, hm. You know I just beat Shadow Hearts Covenant and I guess I got the good ending, but it wa so bittersweet in the end...I have to give myself props though at least I didn't cry at the end of it like I did after I beat kingdom hearts...I blame Utada Hikaru's song, "Simple and Clean." R&R! Plz? Okay I am done for tonight! Time for bed. (+.+)(-.-)( ) ..zzZZ_**

_**Ja!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	15. Fifteen

**Dreams**

_Confusion_

_**My angel, my all, my very self . . . my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us — I can live only wholly with you or not at all . . . Be calm — love me — today — yesterday — what tearful longings for you — you — you — my life — my all — farewell. Oh continue to love — never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. **_

_**-Ludwig Van Beethoven**_

Umi pursed her lips, listening to her mistress, her arms straying to her kimono, smoothing it. As Kagome continued speaking Umi's awkward movements and dark expression showed she did not agree with what was going on.

Once she had finished telling the tale of the kiss she fell silent and the neko servent couldn't find any words but she continued to glare darkly.

"Was it wrong? I believe it was...or it wasn't. I'm very unsure." Kagome gave a small smile that was on the verge of tears.

"My Lady, oh, I don't know what's going on here at all!" With that she threw up her arms and began to pace the room in confusion and anger. "He was never like this. You remember him, even a little? Should you do that, you would know that he isn't very inclined to let humans keep there lives. The only human that he allows to live here is Rin. And she, the rambunctious demon-child is unruly when the Lord is away. A right monster she is, the demon-child." She added again for emphasis.

Kagome giggled a bit but placed a hand over her lips to stifle the outburst. "She is, is she? I would like to meet her...maybe she could tell me about Sesshomaru." At Kagome's words Umi stopped pacing to look at her.

"What? She spends time with him, doesn't she? So I think it is possible that she would know _something_." Kagome smiled up at her a little but mischievously.

"Eh, if you say so. I guess I could let you meet her. Oh! Which reminds me, Lord Sesshomaru is leaving tomorrow and won't be back for three or four days. With that man it could turn into a week though!"

"He is? No. I'll miss him. It's not like he hasn't left me before. You know, it is very boring when he is away." Kagome stopped smiling and became lost in her own thoughts, Umi just sighed.

"He hasn't said you couldn't wander around and as long as I am with you...it should be alright. But for now you need to get to bed!"

This time Kagome sighed and regretfully crawled into bed as Umi mused at how child-like she was in many ways.

Umi didn't leave as her Mistress turned down the light, leaving only moonlight to guide her steps. Instead she began to sing to her.

_Pale September, I wore the time like a dress that year  
The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin  
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared  
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within  
But then he rose brilliant as the moon in full  
And sank in the burrows of my keep_

Kagome didn't speak but turned her closed eye's to her as Umi began to stroke her forehead.

_And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet  
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep_

_He goes along just as a water lily  
Gentle on the surface of his thoughts his body floats  
Unweighed down by passion or intensity  
Yet unaware of the depth upon which he coasts  
And he finds a home in me  
For what misfortune sows, he knows my touch will reap_

Umi wore a soft smile but her eyes were dark and sad in the moonlight. Kagome thought that this song did fit him, he didn't show emotion all that often.

_And all my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet  
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep  
All my armour falling down, in a pile at my feet  
And my winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep_

All though didn't quite know why, Kagome thought of a young boy with red hair and green-blue eyes. She saw herself gently ruffling his hair and slowly stroking his face. She knew his name, but she didn't and a part of her insisted she did.

Before a sleep dreamless or otherwise could claim her another image flashed and scorched her tired synapsis. She knew his name, even if she forgot she would always remember. Inuyasha.

_Inuyasha..._

_Inuyasha..._

_He was different. He wasn't Sesshomaru. This song was for Sesshomaru, it would never fit the wild youth._

"Inu...yasha," Her mouth formed the name that fell and mixed with Umi's fading footsteps but Umi heard it and knew. She new then what her mistress felt was akin to her own feelings. Abandonment. Sorrow. But she knew too that her Mistress didn't know how much she loved the man she could never have. Darkly she thought of the cursed fate women shared and added silently, 'Mistress, no, not Inuyasha...I do not love him, no, but My Lord Sesshomaru. And it is not your fault. I cannot help the way I feel, but I will help you find the true one.'

The door closed with a light click and silence covered her like a blanket.

**_A/N: True, it is short, but hey I am still writing! Yay! I'll probably update once a week. Keep in mind that I have no idea when this story is going to end...I'm just making this up as I go. I'm pretty sure it's InuyashaxKagome but you know there is still SesshomaruxKagome. And as to when Inuyasha will actually be in Kagome's life again, I have no clue but I do know it's gonna be a loonnngg time from now. I have some idea's as to where I am going to take the story...and if you wanna know you'll have to email me at: if you have a account you could reach me there. Go to my profile on to go there, I'd add it but right now I'm lazy and it is late...11:39 late and I am wore out)_**

_**For obvious reasons:**_

_**1) I can't email you back using the set-up for reviews..I could click on your name link and then go through all that BUT I have dail-up...and do you know how freaking long that takes!**_

_**2) I'll reply faster if you use that e-mail, BUT if I were to add it in a author's note you would have to wait awhile.**_

_**3) I don't want to have to write it here and give it away for the people who don't want to know.**_

_**Oh, and just so no one freaks out the song I added into this chapter is called, "Pale September" By Fiona Apple.**_

_**Ja!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	16. Sixteen

**Dreams**

_Brighten_

_**Your life has been so hard  
It's been dried up angels that can't keep guard  
I'm trying to reach your hand  
But I'm on fire  
I never planned to fade... away  
Stay with me  
Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing  
-Our Lady Peace: Are You Sad? **_

The wind and petals brushed against her, an occasional twig would hit one of her moving feet. It had been six days, and it seemed so much like months. The bright blue sky, dark green leaves, a backdrop to the annual rose garden that wafted their scent on the breeze; inviting and oddly forbidden.

The dark spaces in her mind had receded more and she knew the familiar aching despair in her soul was for him.

She walked in circles fearing the walls beyond here. Fearing the pain of receding darkness. The mind numbing turning restlessly, relentlessly as her conscious slipped away to the dark.

No gruff welcoming voice anymore, she had been a fool to believe that his words were real. The anger bubbled and yanked her back like a leash from memory.

_He had really taken the shikon jewel. He had used it. And where was he? Where was Inuyasha? I've been waiting and hoping. But where is he? Inuyasha..._

Words were fruitless. Action? Where to search? She knew nothing anymore.

"Sesshomaru." She didn't bow, wouldn't placate to the beast that tried to kill Inuyasha. Her only one. She turned at the lack of hurt in his voice, the bitter truth. He had kissed her? A human? She had wanted to laugh at the memory but found the jagged rocks to throw herself against like poison claws.

She began pacing again, minding the bitter silence she had welcomed earlier. His voice floated over her after a while.

"You are better. Your mind is more normal than before? No, I can tell. You are upset. Inuyasha? Yes, the beast of a little brother used the jewel. He never cared. He never loved you." Irony and amusement hung in the air, the product of his smile.

She stopped and turned to look at him, mourning her words as she answered in half-hearted anger.

"Oh, didn't he? Would you know that? I've been wondering where is he? I know he used the jewel but Miroku and Sango said that there was a light and he was gone." Kagome looked up into the immense figure and watched the smile turn into a sneer.

"I can smell his scent on the air at times. But it is distant and the dead priestess's scent follows it as well. Perhaps she is not as departed from this world as you would have thought...Or I for that matter." This time he didn't smile as she shifted to attempt vainly to look over the wall.

"Then he is...Oh cruel..." Her voice shifted to a meek whisper as she walked toward the roses and finding a place where she could reach through the thorns, touched the wall. She felt him shift near her as he had obviously moved forward in anger.

"What do you intend to do know? Has your memory fully returned?" He breathed near her ear as he reached down to brush a stand of her hear away from her cheek.

Her breath hitched in her throat as he drew away and it fell from her lips with a sad sigh. "Up until now, I have never really desired fiercely to leave this place. I turned away from all my friends, everyone, when you brought me to this place. Sesshomaru, you don't understand at all. You couldn't even if you tried." With an shake of her head she removed her hand from the wall and took a few steps back from him.

"What can't I understand? You understand that I could choose the ending of your existence right now..." He trailed off as he came toward her with such speed as she had never seen him use before. Angrily he yanked at her hair and pulled her down to so she was practically prostrated at his feet.

Kagome didn't gasp but kept her composure even as the claws scraped her scalp with ease. "Could you? Is your heart such a void?"

He bent down at her words and caught her ear in his fangs, nicked them as he drew back once more without answering.

She laughed unabashed with cruel intentions burning in her mind. She thought of Inuyasha and the words spilled forth. "Sesshomaru, you won't kill me. You're angry, very much so. But more than that there is jealousy in your eyes. Why? Are you afraid I will leave you...search for the only one I will ever love." As her laughter died away she knew how she sounded. She sounded just like Kikyou. And she remembered then what power the dead woman had over Inuyasha. The pain she could instill into the already agonized soul.

"Him? Why him? He loved her! Not you! Whilst you followed and fought the darkness she caused, he could never stop going back to her. She was his first love and you could never be equal in anyway to her in his eyes. Even now only she remains in his dark company. Where are the other so claimed friends supposed to be? What about the girl he claimed to love?" He freed her hair and clapped he shoulders dragging her up off the moist ground.

Tears didn't sting her eyes she just looked at him coldly as he also regarded her in the same fashion as he turned and walked away.

Never had she felt such emptiness.

_**Yes, short chapter but I keep on going and Inuyasha will show up very soon.**_

_**Ja!**_

_**-Ladyk**_


	17. Seventeen

**Dreams**

_Disquiet_

_**I suppose things are better now, but...I don't know.  
People still hate each other, they just know how to hide it better.  
-Seymour: Ghost World**_

He thought about her, of course he did.

The life he ruined.

Even as he laid here listening to the sound of breathing.

_Breathing _of a woman that didn't need to. His dead love.

He had killed her. Even when it was Naraku who landed the blow. _He _had killed her.

Quietly he gathered her in his arms. She had been upset with him because he wouldn't make love to her. She accused him of loving her reincarnation.

He hadn't said anything then. Because maybe he did. Maybe it was a lie he had told her.

_I don't love you, Kagome. It was Kikyou, always, not you._

Why didn't he make love to her? They had never done that. Not even fifty years ago. But now?

Inuyasha brushed back a strand of Kikyou's long hair as it fell over her face.

He kept asking himself questions. All meaningless, because, he couldn't change the choice he had made.

Or the choice he was going to make...

He pulled the cord from his fire rat shirt and with it came the jewel. It glowed pink, bright like a star in the sky, twinkling and mystical.

There was only one difference. You got what you wished for when you used the shikon no tama.

He didn't worry about demons, with Naraku gone and Kanna, Kagura...There were no real threats any longer.

Kikyou thought he was going to choose to become a full demon of a human. She was wrong about that last part.

If anything he would give Kikyou back her life...

But Kagome had Kikyou's soul. So what was he going to have to do?

He thought he had loved Kagome. He thought he loved Kikyou. But now he wasn't sure.

He could remember how caring and gentle Kagome was, the way her face would light up when she smiled.

That thought made him let go of Kikyou and turn away from her onto his side. Sadly he rolled into a ball.

He streatched out his hand and touched the grass, slowly he yanked a single blade free and in the moonlight he studied it. It was living, in it's own way and pulling it free, he had killed it.

His heart beat slow and steady he sensed rather than felt the pulse of his body, his youkai surrounding him.

_Kagome probably thinks I've used the jewel._

His thoughts wandered again and again to her. He was haunted.

He didn't know anything, he just wrapped his arms around his knee, trying to find sleep. A pain in him made his eyes snap open. He had forgotten, blissfully forgotten, for a moment.

_She doesn't remember. When Kikyou purified the jewel something went haywire and it affected Kagome she passed out. Then when she came too she couldn't understand who I was. She doesn't remember. Doesn't remember._

Sleep found him them. Taking him to the world where he saw her. He could speak to the girl he knew.

_Kagome sung without fears she had to feel something other than an empty void. But why was she siging in a dream, didn't one have more interesting things to do in a dream?_

_You're a love song_

_Only half-way sung_

_You're the knot that comes undone_

_Dressed as darkest night_

_The flight of a stringless kite_

_The very vision_

_The mirage man_

_You're air in the palm of my hand_

_You're like catching_

_The day's sunset_

_O rain that's never wet_

_You're a butterfly in the mind_

_You're a butterfly before my eyes_

_You're a butterfly, a trick of time_

_Who leaves before he arrives..._

_She was about to start the second chorus when she sensed a movement behind her and she stood, turned to find him standing there._

_He moved to speak but no sound came forth._

_"No it's fine. Your brother says that you are alive. And I thought you were gone for good. You're here still. Maybe I even thought that..." Kagome sighed sadly as she turned away finding that she was surrounded by green grass. The well stood near by._

_'Sesshomaru! You've seen him? Why would he tell you anything?' Inuyasha's voice caught on an edge of resentment as he spoke, he watched as her smile turned sly, with a small look of a woman fulfilled._

_"I don't know, he took me in, he likes humans..." She blurted feeling foolish as she sat down on the warm grass._

_Inuyasha stood where he was, stubborn and seeking answers. 'Oh, well, then I didn't know you and he had a thing.' He put emphasis on the last word, a taunting note hidden beneath the resentment._

_"Maybe we do. You know this isn't just a dream? I don't think it is. Are you asleep in the world? If you are then I think that you and I are really talking." Carefully Kagome tried to avoid telling him the truth. She almost wanted to tell him that he was being mean and what Sesshomaru had done on more than one occasion. A part of her wanted to hurt him, make him desire her._

_She waited from him to speak while she gazed up into the crisp sky and the fluffy marshmallow clouds._

_'No I guess you're right, this isn't a dream. It's real. But..uh..Kagome...where are we?" He stammered looking around then in an afterthought he added hastily, 'Oh by the way, sorry.' He sat down with a thud._

_Kagome knew what he meant as soon as she looked at him because he looked away quickly. It made her anger boil. "Hey!" She grabbed his hair and yanked his face toward hers. He blushed slightly as he replyed with a sullen, 'What?'_

_"You know what!" She hissed. "The jewel! What did you do?"_

_He gave her a cold look as he announced quietly, "Nothing."_

_With a small tug she dropped her hands from his hair and stood up brushing grass off. "I don't know where we are." She added weakly._

_Inuyasha didn't answer her._

_"You did nothing with the jewel, huh. He said also that the smell of death accompanied you. So you and Kikyou are together..." She said more to herself than him._

_"You with ol' Sessy?" He searched her face, his own sharp with accusation._

_Kagome merely gazed at him, the choices spinning in her mind. Decisions that could raise nothing but hatred. Yes or no? He had hurt her deliberately, gone to Kikyou again. The beating of her heart seemed to slow with grief._

_He started at her and crossed his arms waiting for an answer. "Ha!" He snorted, "If you don't speak then I already know!"_

_"Do you?" Her fists clenched and she locked them to her sides. "Do you really, Inuyasha?" He anger simmered at the surface. He was quite the one to judge. "How could you know? What would you know of it? Would you assume that I so distraught went to him willingly? Or that I waited for you, missed you and all along you were with her!" Inuyasha opened his mouth to speak his face deepening in color but she raised a fist to stop him. "No, no, you don't know." Kagome's words fell to a dull throb in his mind._

_"Your right, I don't know." The fight drained out of him, he knew he was at fault but sullen to admit it._

_"What are you going to do now? Will you stay with her until the end of everything?" Kagome whispered as she turned away not wanted to know but desperately seeking hope. She got a few paces forward and the light overhead brightened to blinding and his face was washed away then everything was black then blurry as she woke from her sleep._

_**Whoo hoo! Inuyasha is here! And soon he'll meet up with Kagome in life. Sorry it had taken me awhile to update. Way to much psychology and Comm. Oh, I have updated my profile a bit, there is my myspace site, hotmail address and livejournal hyperlink on there. Check it out! don't forget to R&R! I'll try to update sooner!**_

_**Ja!**_

_**Ladyk**_


	18. Eighteen

**Dreams**

_Question_

_**There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.  
-Unknown**_

_Why her?_

She wanted to laugh.

_Kikyou._

Compared to her, she was always going to be second best. Second best. The reincarnation. All warped and filled with gaps.

Kagome sat there in the library of that castle wanting to go home. Her mother, grandpa, little brother. They might all be wondering what had happened. What if she never went home? Could she stay here forever?

Would he want her here forever?

_Sesshomaru._

Like he knew and was called to her, he entered the library. It had been a few days since she last saw him. He said nothing as he reached her, Umi must have told him about Inuyasha, the dreams that weren't actually dreams at all, and Kikyou.

Wavering in indecision she pushed back the chair and stood looking up at the youkai. She gazed right into his amber eyes. So like Inuyasha's, and so unlike them. These had power. He looked at her and he knew all her shame and faults. She let him in and showed him everything.

"He never wanted me. He chose her. Again." Kagome answered the question that he asked with his eyes. "And I might be fool enough for a third time and a fourth! Why? Now you. But do I love you? What is this that I keep feeling?" Kagome placed a shivering hand on her breast, over her heart. He regarded her with a cool air, his eyes never leaving her's.

He wrapped her in his arms, saying nothing as she continued to speak through her tears. "I don't even know. Could I stay here with you? I thought you hated humans...But then there was Rin...He said not to worry about it, brushed it away as if she was different. Is she? Am I? I though humans were not worthy of demons..." She faded off to silence, ashamed of her bravery.

"Stay." Then he covered her lips with his own. Most all thought vanished. It was wonderful and she didn't fight it. She pushed closer to him, it was the heat, the pure power her gave off, and she wanted to be closer to him. His body reacted, he lifted her and pushed her onto the table.

His arms slipped from her shoulders and lightly went down her arms, ribs, waist and up again to embrace her.

_Fire._

That is what his touch was.

His tongue explored her mouth, he kissed down her neck and the tops of her exposed breasts. Her head was spinning with the power and pleasure he gave off.

Maybe she had wanted to wait until marriage...

_Now? Do I have to think about this now?_

Kagome thought and seemed to hear her mother's voice, all the thing she taught her.

Instantly the moment was ruined and she was scared about making him stop, she was afraid he wouldn't.

Meekly she cried, "Stop." And he did just that, he obeyed her and backed away not breathing hard. He was wearing the same cool exterior as he regarded her.

Kagome hung her head, ashamed. "I-It's not that I don't want this. I was, er, I thought I would wait until marriage." She stammered avoiding his stare.

He didn't move, didn't speak, nor was he glaring at her.

"Good." He announced, his voice low. "Then marry me."

Kagome's eyes shot to his and she gasped.

_He had to be joking! But this is Sesshomaru and he is never joking._

She thought trying to find something to say as she questioned herself.

What she found was that she wasn't adverse to the idea but...

"Inuyasha." It was a plea, a prayer, not a excuse or a lie. "Inuyasha.." She repeated slowly.

"Were you not telling me before that he was with the dead whore?" He replied, voice rough, and she winced at his words. He was right but she was the reincarnation of that whore.

She had to face it, a part of her had grown to love Sesshomaru. But could she marry him? She was eighteen...

Kagome wondered if he was doing this to get back at Inuyasha. If she agreed, was she doing the same?

_**Guess what? Cliff hanger! Ku ku ku ku ku...mu wa ha ha ha ha! I updated pretty quick, huh? Does that mean I get reviews? I bet part of you are going, "What, how could he ask that!" Am I right? Yes? No? Lolz...R&R! Gasp, also some Kikyou bashing...I'm sorry.**_

_**Ladyk**_


	19. Nineteen

**Dreams**

_How things end  
_

_**And seeing only beautiful dreams, I only lamented reality  
-Ayumi Hamasaki **_

His words pounded in her head, again and again, until she thought that nothing else mattered.

_Marry me. Marry me. Marry me..._

She'd excused herself back to her rooms. The awkwardness of leaving him and his austere gaze.

Her heart was pounding still and she was pacing fast from one end of the room to the other as Umi walked in.

"My Lady?" Her soft voice hummed into the silence.

"He asked me to marry him." Kagome shot back at her wringing her hands.

Umi's smile froze on her face as her eyes went wide. "What? This is unexpected." She said dumbly kneeling down on the floor, stunned.

Kagome didn't answer just kept up her pacing.

"A demon lord, marry a human? I've never seen the likes. Heard of one such as this...Inu-tashio loving the maiden Izayoi." Umi carried on to herself more that the girl.

"He can't love me, he just wants to understand me and why Inuyasha..." She trailed off, almost sick with the thought of him not being there for her.

The day passed with her mind in pain, the thoughts jumbled. With a quiet relief she fell into bed her heart still hammering, she listened to it, her very own source of comfort as it finally slowed and she slept.

_He stood above her as he reached out a hand to lift help her up, she didn't accept it, just looked at him. He was so tall from here._

_"You're brother asked me to marry him." She commented quietly looking down to the grass, half ashamed. Her hair fell over her face. She realized with a start looking at her clothing, that she wasn't wearing a kimono, but her school fuku._

_Through her blatant shock she barley heard Inuyasha's intake of breath or the hiss of disagreement in his voice. 'You have to be joking! Uh, we are talking about Sesshoumaru aren't we? Last time I checked he hated humans!'_

_Kagome thought about his fingers in her hair and the sharp pain as he pulled her down to the floor. About his kiss. "Oh, yes." She said nonchalantly, finally standing up._

_'H-hey! You-your not joking are you? Well I'll be damned, the bastard!' His voice rose a pitch as she didn't meet his gaze then it shifted to pure hatred. 'You ain't marrying him are you?' He asked suspiciously as his eyebrow quirked up._

_Suddenly Kagome didn't know what to with her hands. "Uh-hm..No! No, no, of course not! It's just well your with Kikyou now I don't see why you should care anyway." Now it was Kagome who sounded sullen as she looked up at the hanyou, her lip puffing out a bit._

_'Kagome!' Inuyasha took a small step forward his face red, challenging her. 'We're no together like **that**.'_

_"How am I supposed to know that? Your such a jerk." Kagome followed suit and stepped closer to him._

_'Yeah, you've told me that already. Often.' He said quietly his voice deadly. The air was still and heated with fire._

_"You know I should marry him! I could say 'I do' and not have to be alone! At least he wouldn't leave me, like you have done." She threw her hands up in the air her face now just as flushed as his._

_'You don't mean that.' He retorted, his eyes shone full of half betrayed regret._

_Now she they were almost face to face and she could smell the familiar scent of the forest on him. She yelled up at him, "I do mean it! You left me for her! I feel so awful...You, with her."_

_'I said it already wench we ain't done nothing like that! Get your mind outta the gutter!' He shouted back._

_"I don't know that. You could have kissed her! Or even...even.." And with his loss of eye contact she shouted even louder grabbing a hold of his haori and burying her face in it, crying, "You did! You did, didn't you!"_

_"N-no I...couldn't do that Kagome. Not with Kikyou. She might have wanted me to." He answered looking down at her dark hair waiting for her to look at him._

_"Oh, but you kissed her?" She insisted sounding like a child._

_'Keh! Yeah, wench, I did. Geez..." He was playing the act of being tough but his arms came around her shoulders and he embraced her awkwardly._

_It was silent for a long time until she finally managed to announce, "I kissed him...him..Sesshoumaru, I kissed him."_

_Inuyasha didn't reply at all falling back into his usual self._

_"He's a better kisser that you." Kagome said looking up into his stormy face trying to get him back to speaking, even yelling._

_He chose to ignore it._

_'That one time...it doesn't count, you were just trying to get me back to my old self.' He spoke quietly, almost sadly Kagome thought._

_"Yeah. You love Kikyou, that is why you kissed her." Kagome looked up at his hurt face, his eyes shimmered._

_'It..It's not like that. I can't not feel something for you, but it is..." He trailed off letting one hand caress her cheek, it trailed down her neck and she moved with his hand. She let his hand flow down her collar bone, then freeze, slowly going back up. Her eyes were languid as she looked up at him with passion. He moved closer and she felt her body reacting along with his as he pressed his face into her collar bone, let his fingers fall down her arms until her laced his hands with hers._

_He kissed her then. His tongue found hers, soft and rough all at once. He didn't stop and she had no intention of asking him to._

_'Kagome.' Her breathed crushing himself against her, her yanking her down onto the ground with him. Laying on top if him she broke off the kiss and ran her lips and tongue down his neck as he turned his head to the side, thick silver strands falling onto his face and the grass, the silver making the green seem garish in comparison._

_Marry me...marry me..._

_"And I am losing you again." Her voice shook as she sat with the cascading light of the sun breaking upon her back._

_There was no voice to answer her prayers. Just the silence. She used her words to give the empty meaning._

_"And I am...So do what you must. I'll forget you again. I don't want to. Everything was wrong, this shouldn't be happening. If I never met you--" Her sad tone fell to nothing as his eyes snapped to hers._

_'You know what? Just...marry him! Have a fine life!' He yelled pulling on his red over shirt. 'Go! Just leave already!' Inuyasha walked away and kept walking until he was far away, his back to her, she thought that no distance would ever be enough._

_She stood up and turned to look at him a ways off. "So...that is what you want? What if I never see you again?" Her voice cracked into a waning yell._

_No answer but she saw his head turn a little to the right, an ear twitch, he was listening._

_Her hands fell back to her sides as she gulped at air, her only support._

_He spun and walked all the way back to her, breathlessly she waited her arms wrapped around her stomach._

_He stepped up to her, a scant few inches from her. She saw a glimmer of Sesshoumaru's icy gaze in his eyes._

_'I said it, I mean it. Have a wonderful life Kagome.' He didn't blink as he looked into her eyes, his voice monotone and oddly loud. Kagome closed her eyes to his and turned her head away, the tears falling mercilessly down her face._

_Here and now, every moment would be different._

_**A/n: Awww now do you hate me? It has been a very long time since I updated. Busy life...new boyfriend! Woo-hoo, six years and I was dating an ab-so-lu-te jerk. It's funny because I knew but didn't wanna except it. Okay any questions about what is going on here? Gimme reviews and there will be more chapters and with that answers! Plz, plz, plz...please review!**_

_**Ja!**_

_**Ladyk**_


	20. Twenty

**Dreams**

_Reality_

_**Dreams that do come true can be as unsettling as those that don't.  
**__**-Unknown**_

The same old movements, again and again. Umi's hands straitening her kimono.

Everything from the moment she had awoken-the sound of hollow rain- was different.

The same shapes and forms.

"I will."

She had said those words, the catacombs of a new life spreading out before her.

A smile speared his face. It wasn't dark and sinister, not a promise of a quick death. The absence of such things sent shivers down her entire body.

She bowed and scurried to her room, now fearing her mistake.

_Her steps echoed as she steped up to the alter with him, she kept her face down because she didn't want to see him. Everything had gone wrong._

_She lifted her face to look at the man's mouth moving, saying the ritual. Infinitesimally she tilted her head, her hands tightened to a death grip on the edges of her kimono._

_Kagome wondered about her life._

_She would never go home. She would never tell her mother, she realized with a tremble. She knew how it was going to happen._

_Mama. Souta. Jii-chan. They would believe that she was dead, Inuyasha too._

_Her mouth moved, "I'm sorry...I love you. I am--I am losing you too.."_

_A movement. Her eye caught the flicker, Sesshoumaru was looking at her, an expression full of shock. Maybe he could read her mind. Had he heard her speak?_

_"Is it real?" She asked. He blurred through her tears, his golden eyes softened to a canary yellow and then it was dark._

_She could her the sound of her own sobbing._

_"Wh-where are you?" She panicked as she saw her form bent over a grave. It was black all around. The grave was the only thing she could see. Her breath caught in her throat and she charged forward fear crushing her heart._

_Echoing. " Why, Inuyasha...why him? Why did you kill him? I loved him..." A thousand tiny cries sounded around her._

_Her own forlorn wails sounded with the others. Sango...Mirkou...Shippou...Inuyasha...Kikyou._

_Fight Kohaku! You have to! Kohaku!_

_Don't touch her, no, Sango don't trust him! Kazzana!_

_Help! Inuyasha! Please you have to help...I'm not strong enough._

_Why, Shippou?_

_Are you so cold that you would forsake them? You would betray them?_

_A cold laugh drifted through the void, his answer followed. A voice dark with cold intent, rough like the faded memories._

_"Yes."_

_Breath, tumbling through her bones, the thrill of terror as a hand swept her hair and set it to swinging._

_She turned half expecting it already. Inuyasha stood behind her. His face was in a half malicious smile but grief crinkled around his eyes._

_He spoke once again with the same cold intent and rough with untold sorrows._

_"You can fight it."_

_He melded into the darkness, a lingering outline of his form faded soon after._

_Kagome turned back to her crying form and through the sobs the voice of herself spoke with strength and tenderness._

_"Is it enough to know that I will see you once again in the life beyond this one, and forever in my dreams, but never to posses you as I once did?_

She awoke and felt her mind touch the well of her aching heart. Her hand followed complacently to her kimono fabric, just above the space where broken hopes misted trough her still.

**_Confused? Then I have you all right where I want you! Yes, it's been awhile. Review's please?_**

**_Ja!_**

**_Ladyk_**


	21. Twenty one

**Dreams**

Leaving

**_She went her unremembering way, She went and left in me The pang of all the partings gone, And partings yet to be.  
-Francis Thompson_**

"Sesshoumaru."

They had only been words. Broken words from a broken woman.

How hard she is trying to convince herself! Umi thought as she replied. "Isn't there someone else my lady? The one you call for...in your sleep?" Inquiringly Umi looked up from the task she was trying to accomplish. Bit by bit she picked up the broken glass and placed it in a basket made for just that purpose.

"Here, let me help you with that..." Kagome dropped down with a sigh and proceeded to place what was left of her window broken by a harsh wind. Tentatively she added. "Who do I call for?"

"Lord Sesshoumaru's little brother." Umi answered matter of fact as she gazed sneakily at Kagome's expression.

_Inuyasha._

The name sat unspoken like a stone between them.

"Well I..." Kagome fished for something to say to the maid. "I must miss him!" She wanted to cringe with how girlishly she said it.

"You do. I know it. You have also called..other...names." Umi stood with the basket in her hands a grave smile fixed in place.

"Other names?" Kagome prompted afraid the girl would leave without telling her. Thoughtfully Kagome reached under her small bedside table and pulled back to suck on her finger.

Umi laughed kneeling down to get the stray piece. "Sango, Miroku Shippo and Kilala, I believe."

"My friends. Sesshoumaru took me away from them and brought me here." Kagome examined the small cut as she spoke.

"You'll see them again." Umi said nonchalantly as she walked out the door signaling the end of the conversation.

* * *

"I know you! Tell me what you meant to me!" She shouted into the wind, it whipped her words back into her face. She wasn't even sure he had heard. 

Silence.

Then, 'You know! Or maybe you just don't want to remember!' He shot back, a cold bite of air answered with the voice.

Kagome walked toward the voice becoming consciously award of her surroundings.

Bare trees and snow as far as she could see, blue mountains in the distance, and steel grey overcast skies.

Snow was beginning to fall.

There! A figure coming toward her.

She knew him. Oh God, she knew...

* * *

"Inuyasha!" Her face burned, her heart pounded. 

Kagome dressed in the dark, her only light the moon. Once her sandals were in place she tore down the hallways looking more like a tenyo than a priestess.

Sesshoumaru had no need for guards which made the task of getting into his room an easy one. She simply threw open the doors and marched in.

Oddly he slept in a four poster bed with blue silk bedding. While she was paused a throat being cleared brought her back. He was sitting up in bed, looking ever bit the tai-youkai that he was.

Kagome dropped to the floor, forehead pressed into marble. "Lord Sesshoumaru." She began, trembling. "Thank you for your unwavering kindness and succor but I have no desire to keep imposing upon you. Forgive me, I won't marry you. If you wish it I will set out tonight rather than wait until the morning."

"I see." He answered after a long pause. "Rise."

Kagome did partially so staring at the cobalt colored marble floor. Her eyes caught movement and he was before her. Upon his hands she looked and as she watched he hesitated arm falling back to his side. She blushed still on the floor and bowed again to hide it.

It was then that he lied his hand on her, she shivered, full of passion that she willed back. On her neck, in her hair and Kagome had to speak before she failed.

"If there is nothing else, I'll be leaving My Lord." Her eyes stung and his hand rested on her chin, upturning her face.

His face was unchanged, cold, but the fire in his molten eyes! She has seen this look before on a similar face.

It hurt to look at him. Bravely she raised her hands taking hold of his lone one and drew it to her lips, chastely she kissed his palm.

Kagome looked up at him after her daring and he seemed mildly curious. Sesshoumaru let his hand stay in hers and to his surprise tears formed in her blue eyes. She looked down, hair falling to veil them and she murmured somewhat. Gently her palms parted and let his hand fall away.

Shedidn't looked back.

_**A/n: Okay, finally an update..I'm working on I,I,I too so that will be updated as well. ASs for my long absense let's say DRAMA...friends...a new EX boyfriend and my compter was crashed for a very long time.**_

**_And to my readers..omgee thank you!_**

**_-Ladyk_**


	22. Twenty Two

**Dreams**

_Reunion_

**_We only part to meet again._**  
**_-John Gay_**

She left him. Part of her mourned the fact that she was free. She guessed, a part of her would always miss him.

He was a demon and by marrying him it would have changed everything. He wasn't even supposed to like humans. It would have been a mistake, he was cold and above her somewhere on a different plane.

_But oh, his touch..._

She thought as she wandered toward the well. Here she was so close to home and her friends.

Sesshoumaru's men had helped her get here, they had taken here this far and she had been traveled with them without any talk, as if in a haze. Suddenly finding herself here was a surprise.

They had been blank faced, nothing that really set them apart maybe that is why she found it hard to keep them in her thoughts.

The men said nothing, they just left her by the well. It was still summer but this place held a desolation, a certain gravity, as if all the sorrow that happened here just carried over years.

Kagome was tired and she felt safe, albeit sad and lonely. She wondered if she would ever stop feeling that way but the thoughts blurred and she walked over to the tree and found succor by sitting down and laying her head on the roots.

Just a little rest.

"Kagome?...Kagome!" A shocked voice called out to her as she awoke with a start as he crouched down before her his eyes molten and sad.

He never changes, she thought smiling a little.

"Hey." She answered sounding as tired as she felt. Rubbing her eyes she was stopped by his hands on her wrists.

He looked at her calculatingly before beginning his hands still held her wrists, eyes locked with hers. "I shouldn't have left you, to fight him...we defeated him. Kikyou and I. I should have never left you..." He trailed off shaking his head like he despised himself.

"Kikyou? Where is she?" Kagome asked with a pang of jealousy.

"After everything...making the jewel whole, purifying it she gave up. She let go...she's gone." His voice was empty and he sounded so lost that she ached with his pain.

"Sango and the others, have you spoken with them?" Generally concerned she asked but couldn't figure out why she didn't feel all that connected.

"No. They're gone to the demon slayers village...they live there now. It's fairly safe now that Naraku is dead. Shippo misses you-they all do-he asked me where you were and I said I didn't know. I saw you sometimes you know...it felt real..." He paused far away.

How had this happened? They had all drifted so far apart.

"It might have been." She stood, he drew back to stand up himself unsure weather to help her, wanting to.

After everything. She felt cheated. Her hands bunched into her kimono, fists. Her lips drawn into a fine line. "You knew that Sesshomaru had me all this while?"

He didn't say anything for a long while. "He did? Miroku and Sango were supposed to watch over you."

There was no pain in his voice, no anger, no worry.

Her fingers grazed the god tree and she braced herself against it. This wasn't right at all. They had all fallen apart. Inuyasha was a husk of himself, indifferent to others around him.

"Kagome?" He asked. She turned her face away.

"The jewel? Why didn't you choose to become a full demon? If it had anything to do with me I sense that you regret it and it was a mistake. You always loved Kikyou. Without her here I think that you find no reason to live." Bitterly her words fell true onto his ears.

"Your right Kagome. It was always Kikyou. Sesshoumaru saw this and he tried to keep you from that truth. He knew how I felt." Inuyasha dragged a clawed hand over his face then without another word he turned and bolted.

Kagome stood there desolate. She turned her face away her shoulders rising and falling with sobs and she let the Lord of the Western lands find her once more.

**This one was quick! Be sure and tell me what you think. I'm worried it isn't good enough.**

**-Ladyk**


	23. Twenty Three

**Dreams**

_Raining_

_**We need not destroy the past. It is gone.  
-John Cage **_

He stood there as calm as ever, his silver hair twinkling in the drab light that filtered through the clouds.

"Why do you keep taking me back!" She turned on him her voice breaking.

"You would rather be with the demon slayer and the monk?" He looked down at her as she walked over to him, her hands shaking. "They are happy together. Are you certain you have a place there?"

"Your evil and cruel to say that", she bit at her lowering lip, trying to doubt his words. They would have tried to find her by now unless what he was saying was true.

"Choose what you will." He turned with grace and walked away from the tree, toward the darkness of the forest, toward his own lands and she felt fear flicker in her. Her hair was dripping wet she realized, it was a cold rain and her kimono was plastered to her thighs and back. She stepped forward after him, made a frightened noise at the back of her throat and he stopped without turning, waiting for her.

_Stupid._ She knew that word well, Inuyasha had called her it often but this time she was using it, not him. She didn't need to tell him, he knew of course, but she said it low and broken below the sound of the rain, "He chose Kikyou."

She met his burning golden eyes as his head turned slightly. He moved his lips and the words seemed to come out slower, "Come."


End file.
